my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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