We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
