I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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