i can't believe i had my finger in that
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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