Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
