She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
