Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
just tell him i said nine months
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
