I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
