He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
