i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
