my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
