i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
