dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
