Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
