She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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