What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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