And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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