I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
