You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
