We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
