the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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