the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
