people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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