New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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