mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
