He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
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