She went from zero to smokin in five shots
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
