i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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