my vag is so smooth its legendary
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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