Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
