we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
