i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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