would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
