You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
