I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
