my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
