apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
