i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
