Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
