My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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