well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
