I just threw up on my dentist
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
