He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
