HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
