So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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