She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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