No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
