Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Randomize
