Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
