dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
You're like the curious george of whores
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
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