There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
